Mindset Buster: Being a Working Mom is Selfish

Being a Working Mom is Selfish

We all have these mindsets that affect what we do, the decisions we make and the perspective that we have about our lives. Sometimes these mindsets can be positive ones that we should keep, and other times, we hold mindsets that can actually hold us back from reaching our full potential.

One very common mindset for mompreneurs is that being a working mom is selfish. Let’s take some time to break this down and see where this mindset comes from and what we should do about it.

I was talking with one client who is a great mom. She puts her kids first. She does things for her family all the time. She set priorities that she holds. She also has her own business. She realized, however, that she always felt guilty for being a working mom. That in the back of her mind she held this idea that being a working mom was selfish.

Before the days of motherhood, I lived a pretty self-focused life. I got to choose what time I’d get up in the morning. I picked what and when I wanted to eat. I selected what I wanted to do during the day and what time I wanted to go to bed. And I never really felt guilty about living like that.

Self-care after motherhood

Now we all know that once we get pregnant, something changes inside us. Something about motherhood gets hardwired into us. Suddenly, we give up so much of that self-focused life. Now everything revolves around our husband and children. We cook what the children like to eat. We nurse all night. We get up at 5 a.m. because that’s when the children are awake. We give up our needs and wants to take care of the long list of things for our family. There’s not often a whole lot left for ourselves at the end.

So when moms decide to go back to work, we often hear in our own minds that it is an act of selfishness. Stunning, isn’t it? Before motherhood, it was accepted that sometimes we do things for ourselves. Then when motherhood set in, we put everything ahead of us. Moms, in general, don’t excel at self-care. We rarely take a break, do something to take care of ourselves, or find something fun to do on the weekends.

If we decide to go back to work or to start our own business, it will make us unavailable at times. It will put something before our children at times. This will definitely happen, and it can look selfish. Even if we are earning money to pay for trips for our family or for college, we can still feed those lovely feelings of mother guilt.

“Stealing” time

When I think back to my early days of coaching, I remember feeling like I was stealing all the time. I had two little kids, and if I spent time with them, I felt like I was stealing time from my business. If I was working, then I felt like I was stealing time from my children. I stayed in that mindset of stealing; I was always stealing from some other part of my life. And I always felt guilty. My most important priorities were in conflict. When I was stuck in that stealing mindset, I was not being productive.

What happens in that mindset is that we start unwittingly sabotaging our business and our happiness. I had one client who was blaming the lack of success of her business on her husband. She felt that he had too high of expectations on what she could deliver in her business and what she could handle in housekeeping and childcare. However, as we talked about it more, she realized that she was actually the one with the unreachable expectations. It was her judging herself.

Breaking through mindset busters

She realized that her work was important. It meant a level of fulfillment for her. It gave her family a financial cushion they wanted. It was beneficial to another community. During the times she felt guilty, she would actually choose to do housework instead of higher priorities for her business for the sole purpose of earning the “good mother” badge. In the end, when she talked with her husband, he was actually very supportive. He was committed to helping support her in her business and pick up some of the household and childcare duties.

So how do you avoid this mindset? The first step is always awareness. If this article is resonating with you, then maybe you have this mindset. If you’re not aware, this unconscious mindset will motivate you to behave a certain way and make certain decisions. However, once you have awareness, you are capable of deciding if you want to continue holding the mindset or to change it. If you decide to change the mindset, you can replace it with a positive affirmation. It’s an opportunity to reconnect with your priorities and find ways to support yourself as a wife, mother, and person.

Is a negative mindset holding you back? It may be, even if you can’t identify it. If you’re stuck and need some help, let’s talk. I’d love to see if coaching is a good fit for you. Get in touch!

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How to Avoid Burning Out as a Mompreneur

Today is a topic that we as mompreneurs don’t often prioritize like we know that we should: self-care.

This post is dedicated to those of us out there who people always ask “How do you get it all done?” Those of us who set goals for our families and businesses then consistently surpass them. We have it all together. We are overachieving and exceeding expectations in every area of our lives. It is also dedicated to those of us who want to be that mom, but just aren’t quite there yet. Of course, I’m being a little tongue in cheek here.

I am one of those mompreneurs who is often asked how I do it all. I have a lot to manage, admittedly, but I also prioritize myself and my self-care routine to make sure I am able to keep up with my commitments. When you are seen as successful in juggling all these things, you feel accomplished. But what falls by the wayside and causes the breakdowns is lack of self-care.

We have so much to balance and keep track of that we are too busy taking care of everyone and everything else that sometimes we forget about ourselves. All that energy that you are spending taking care of others has to come from somewhere. And, let me tell you, it comes out of your personal bank of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. It is draining you—even if you sometimes don’t feel it.

When you start to feel the effects of your balancing act and are getting exhausted, it’s time to check in with yourself. Examine your self-care routine, because the only way to achieve or do more is by making sure that self-care doesn’t get compromised. I hear it already, you’re saying “I don’t have the time.” I get it. I really, really do. I get how much is on your plate due to your commitments and that it feels like there is no room left for self-care. But, I’m going to respectfully push back against you on this. I have the utmost respect for your commitments, but you are on the path to burnout if you are always last on your list of things to accomplish.

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Running with friends is my favorite self-care.

Establishing a self-care routine doesn’t mean that you have to find a way to block out an entire day for yourself once a week. Self-care can be very different for different people. Some people need a 60 minute weekly back massage. Others just want to have a standing appointment once a month to get their hair done and a mani/pedi. And then, some others like me, want to prioritize our exercise habits like running. Take the time and make the effort to put yourself on your calendar like any other appointment. Give yourself the opportunity to handle your self-care. You will refill your tank and stop draining all of the energy out every day caring for your family, business, house, and everything else you manage. They drain you. The only person who can refill that tank is you.

It is your job to make sure that you take care of yourself. It doesn’t have to be major, but even small things planned ahead in a routine will make a noticeable difference. Just getting yourself on a calendar as a priority can make you feel better—and do it consistently. Don’t let a breakdown or exhaustion happen before you prioritize taking care of yourself. Make it work for you. If you have a crazy load on certain days, then schedule that self-care on a day that you know you can really relax for a minute and care for you. Even just reading a book or taking a bath. Get something on your schedule to take care of you. I promise you will be better for it.

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Two great teleseminars for mompreneurs next week!

Is it just me, or is the crazy busy-ness of summer all ready full upon us?

There is so much going on for mom entrepreneurs right now. What an exciting time for us to be in business, calendar-pic1and for us to be learning and growing!

I have not one, but TWO very special teleclasses scheduled for next week to tell you about. One is about my new, favorite, hot topic: publicity for mompreneurs. The other is about one of the most important, foundational requirements for a successful life: taking exquisite care of yourself.

On Monday night, June 8th, at 8pm ET, I will host a special episode of my BlogTalkRadio Show with special guest Helen Coronato of weekendpublicist.com.  Helen is a publicity guru who has created a fabulous virtual workshop in which entrepreneurs can create their very own press kits in one weekend. If you’ve been wondering about how to get the media attention you deserve without spending several thousand dollars,  Helen’s tools, templates, live feedback and coaching will help you do just that. Our show will tell you all about her upcoming virtual workshop (on June 13-14) so you’ll know exactly what to expect. And there’s a special deal for Mom Biz Coach show listeners–you can’t afford to miss this, moms!

*** If you’d like to be eligible for the special discount Helen is offering to our show guests, be sure to swing by www.whatmomentrepreneursneed.com and fill in the email form. ***

And then on Tuesday, June 9th, we welcome LaSara Firefox as our guest speaker in the WoMEN: What Mom Entrepreneurs Need Teleseminar Series. In the sixth installment of this series, LaSara will share with us some “Daily Rituals for Self-Care,” something most of us mom entrepreneurs don’t get enough of. LaSara, mother of two, is a successful author (Sexy Witch a non-fiction/self help book), a life coach and NLP practicioner, and founder the Ecstatic Presence Project and Global Family Awakening: an educational, peace and humanitarian family adventure club. With all she has going on in her own life, LaSara is focused on creating support systems that support your whole self!

I feel so fortunate to be able to surround myself with such wise, supportive and generous women as Helen and LaSara. Please mark your calendars and visit the Mom Biz Coach Show on BlogTalkRadio for call-in and listening options for both shows. You can even set up an email reminder so you don’t forget!

I look forward to hearing you on the call!

If you have questions or comments for either of my guests this week, you can leave them here and I’ll do my best to address each of them.

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