Success Doesn’t Have to Be Hard, So Don’t Make it Harder!

Mindset makes such a difference. During my work with clients lately, I’ve noticed a mindset out there that success has to be hard. It has to hurt a little. It means that you have to be really busy all the time and sacrifice your health, your time, your children and your marriage in order to achieve success.

Are you hiding this sneaky mindset?

Now I know that most of you reading this are shaking your heads and can see how that idea is a ridiculous one. I know you are smart and savvy enough to know, at an intellectual level, that makes no sense. However, even if you think you agree with me, this article could be aimed at you. Why? Because this mindset is a sneaky one. You might not even realize you are holding this mindset, yet it can be affecting your life in a significant way.

Why am I unhappy?

I have this particular client who is an absolute powerhouse. She owns a fitness studio and has amazing willpower over her body and her health. She manages her time well and successfully manages a growing staff of half a dozen employees and teachers. I enjoy working with her, and over time, we’ve come up with many different ideas to increase her sales or improve her hiring or auditing processes. She is a ninja when it comes to executing her business assignments.

Recently she sounded different. When I asked what was going on, she started telling me about some of her family drama. Now, we all have family drama in our lives, whether it be with our own immediate families or with extended family members.

After I listened to her, I reminded her of business success. She had been on such an upward swing. She had reached an amazing level of success with more clients, increased profits, and decreased expenses. She said she knew that, and she knew she should be happy, but she wasn’t.

I started asking her some more questions, and after quite awhile, I finally got her to uncover the cause of her unhappiness. The bottom line was that her business was going so well that it was starting to freak her out. Things were suddenly easier. She was leaving earlier, working in the business less and on the business more. She wasn’t needed as much as she was in her start-up days, and that scared her.

She started telling me about her family. Her father worked in a high-stress job and wasn’t around much. After her father died, her mother worked two jobs in order to provide for her children. She learned from watching her parents that success meant busting your butt, working really hard all the time, and being stressed out. Since she was no longer working so hard, she felt lazy and that trouble was looming around the corner.

As a result of this mindset, she started looking for things to be stressed out about. All the family drama had been there all along, but that when she was focused on her business she didn’t notice. It wasn’t a priority, and it didn’t bother her. However, now that her business was going well, she noticed all these things and allowed them to bother her so she could be stressed about something.

Are you allowing stress in because it’s “supposed” to be there?

Now I want you to think about that. Have you ever focused on a problem where there wasn’t one? Do you have a mindset where things have to be hard? Does stress equal success? Do you believe that success looks only one way?

I want you to sit down with a piece of paper and write down what success looks like to you. What have you learned about success from your parents, your spouse, your friends, your business associates? What have they taught you about success? What instead should success be?

I hate the claim that success looks only one way. That unless you are working 70 or 80 hours per week, you can’t be successful. Unless you grow exponentially and sell your business for millions of dollars, you are not successful. Unless you have sacrificed everything else in your life, you can’t be successful.

I think that’s ridiculous. Yes, I believe in having a solid work ethic. However, I want you to enjoy the fruit of your labor and your hard-earned success. I want you to be able to relax and spend more time with your family. I want you to be happy.

Take some time to bring awareness to it. If you know what your mindset is you can invent a better, new mindset for the future.

Need help sorting out your mindset and expectations? Feeling stuck, but not sure why or how to fix it? It might be time for you to hire a coach! This is what I do with clients day in and day out. Contact me today to find out if I could be the right fit in helping you move forward.

Continue Reading

Women Define Success Differently

I have had many conversations about the definition of success over the last four years since I became a life coach. trophy-picAt the risk of making a sexist generalization, I truly believe that women, especially moms, define success differently from men.

My definition of success completely changed once I became a mother. Prior to that, I defined success like this:

  • by working hard
  • making a lot of money
  • travelling constantly for business and pleasure
  • being able to make purchases simply because I wanted them, when I wanted them
  • having a nice car
  • owning a nice house
  • dating and then eventually marrying a super guy
  • the completion/delivery of a big project
  • being “needed” by my coworkers and clients
  • receiving rewards, promotions and acknowledgement from my coworkers, bosses and clients that I was doing a fantastic job

Now that I’m a mom, that list looks a lot different. It took me a long time to realize that my old definition of success simply didn’t work when I applied it to my new role of mother (and later to my role as mom entrepreneur). I was frustrated, sad, angry and resentful because I no longer received constant praise and acknowledgement for “my work” (mothering my three children). My Mondays looked just like my Sundays, and there wasn’t any way for me to judge my “progress” as a mother, other than how far I’d managed to get through the mountain of dirty laundry. And I certainly didn’t make any money at this new “job” as a mom–in fact, I felt a huge loss of power when I no longer earned an income myself, something I had done consistently since I was 12 years old.

With the help of my husband and my life coach, I learned that the definition I was using to measure my success (and to feel satisfied with the life I was creating) fit me about as well as a size five shoe (I wear a 10). I learned how to redefine success on my own terms by starting with a clear understanding of my core values and priorities.

Here’s how I now define success for myself:

  • I am healthy and take care of myself.
  • I am a mother of three well-adjusted, confident, friendly and compassionate children (well, almost–the two-year-old is working on the compassionate part when she’s not stealing her brothers’ favorite toys and beating them over the head with them).
  • I am a wife who is committed to her husband and a strong, satsifying marriage.
  • I am loved and supported by my extended family and many dear friends.
  • I do work that fuels my passion and totally satisfies my creativity, ambition, and natural talents.
  • My work makes a difference in the lives of others.
  • My clients inspire me.
  • I recognize that I have choices, and that it’s up to me to make life happen the way I want it to.

I just interviewed Nicola Ries Taggart, The Executive Moms Coach and founder of True Insights Coaching on Tuesday as part of my WoMEN: What Mom Entrepreneurs Need teleseminar series about the need for mom entrepreneurs to redefine success for themselves. We discussed this topic in detail. You can listen to the call by clicking here.

Looking for some inspiration? Check out this list by Michael Dunlop of incomediary.com.

Top 30 Female Internet Entrepreneurs

Posted on 12. May, 2009 by Michael in Entrepreneurship

Hello Everyone,

Women more so than men I find do not measure success by money alone but by a lot of things such as happiness, love, friendships, family and the list goes on.  So in recognition of the great numbers of female entrepreneurs out there and in particular those who are active online I have decided not to rank the 30 women listed below by wealth alone but simply  as my list of the “30 Top Female Internet Entrepreneurs”.

30 Female Entrepreneurs Making Money Online

Name Company Founded Why She Matters
Amanda Marcotte  Pandagon 26-Nov-01 Amanda runs one of the most talked about feminism and politics blogs. Marcotte shot to fame when John Edwards asked her to run the presedential blog.
Ariana Huffington  Huffington Post 09-May-05
Is perhaps one of the most successful female Internet entrepreneurs ever and is the founder of the top blog in the world according to Technorati!
Ashley Qualls  What Ever Life 2004 Attracting millions of monthly visitors earning the 18 year old 7 figures a year.
Barbara Feldman  Surfnetkids.com 29-Jun-05
Founder of Surfnetkids, the website attracts more than 600,000 visitors a month, her newsletter lists are over 80,000 strong, and her self-published e-books are sold on dozens of sites.
Carrie Wilkerson  The Bare foot Executive 2007
In 2 years Carrie has gone from in debt to 7 figure Internet entrepreneur with over 100,000 followers!
Caterina Fake  Flickr 26-Jun-05
Caterina co-founded Flickr with Stewart Butterfield which was later acquired by Yahoo! for a high 8 figure deal.
Catherine Cook  MyYearBook.com 27-Jun-05
Start 4 years ago when she was 15, MyYearBook has grown to 3 million members worldwide and rakes in annual sales in the seven figures!
Cyan Ta’eed  Eden Creative 2006 Ta’eed is the co-founder of Eden Creative Communities which attracts over 10 million visitors to their blog network every month earning her 7 figures a year.
Eileen Gittins  Blurb 26-Jun-05
Elieen is the co-founder and CEO of Blurb, a print on demand publishing service. The company’s revenue grew from $1 million to $30 million in two years.
Elaine Wherry  Meebo 01-Sep-05 Elaine co-founded Meebo, a instant messaging service you use in your browser. Meebo attracts 40,000,000 monthly users.
Erin Jansen  NetLingo.com 21-Jun-05
Founder of an Award-Winning Web Site since 1994, Erin is a Internet entrepreneur veteran.
Gina Bianchini  Ning 01-Oct-05
Gina is the Co-founder and CEO of Ning. There are 1,000,000 social networks on the Ning Platform, growing at a rate of almost 4,000 new social networks each day.
Gina Trapani  Lifehacker 01-Jan-05 Gina Trapani is a technology blogger, book author, and programmer. The founding editor of Lifehacker.com, a daily weblog on software and personal productivity, Gina authored a book based on the web site which is in its second edition: Upgrade Your Life: The Lifehacker Guide to Working Smarter, Faster, Better!
Heather Armstrong  Dooce 01-Feb-01
One of the biggest mommy blogger’s out there attracting millions of readers to her blog and has recently passed 500,000 Twitter followers.
Juliette Brindak  Miss O and Friends 22-Jun-05
Juliette came up with the idea for Miss O and Friends at just 10 years old, now 19 her business is worth over $15 Million and is visited by millions of girls every month.
Justine Ezarik  iJustine 27-Jun-05
It all started with a 300 page iPhone bill, now she is a social media rock star with millions of YouTube views and over 500,000 twitter followers!
Kim Polese  SpikeSource 25-Jun-05 Kim Karin Polese is CEO of SpikeSource, and was one of the most prominent Silicon Valley executives during the dot-com era. In 1997, she made Time Magazine’s list of “The 25 Most Influential Americans”.
Lisa Stone
Blog Her 01-Feb-05
Lisa is the founder of BlogHer which reaches more than 14 million women monthly through its conferences, Internet site and publishing networks.
Lisa Sugar  Pop Sugar April 2006 Lisa’s blog network is funded by Sequoia – the guys who funded Google and Youtube. Now one of the biggest celeb blogs on the net, Lisa sure is a top female blogger!
Louise Wannier  MyShape 26-Jun-05
Louise runs an online women’s apparel retailer that finds clothing for women based on their physical measurements and style and fit preferences
Maria Andros  Social Media Traffic Blueprint
Maria helps people create a buzz with social media. Recently she took 100 people into her mentoring program for $2500 each.
Meg Frost  Cute Overload 2005 Although she hasn’t got a pet herself, attracts 100,000s of visitors daily to her cute animal blog.
Meg Hourihan  Blogger.com 21-Jun-05
Meg Hourihan is the cofounder of Pyra Labs, the company that launched the Blogger personal blogging software that was acquired by Google for for a 8 figure deal.
Mena Trott  Six Apart 23-Jun-05
Mena is a co-founder of Six Apart, creator of Movable Type and TypePad.
Michelle Malkin  Michelle Malkin June 2004 Michelle blogs about news and politics which attracts nearly 200,000 visitors a day to her site.
Penelope Trunk  Brazen Careerist March 2006 With multiple start-ups and over 30,000 RSS readers on her personal blog, Penelope is one female to follow.
Nancy J Price  she knows 1999
Nancy co-founded SheKnows which attracts 7.5 Million Monthly Unique Visitors and 76 Million Monthly Page Views!
Natalie Massenet  Net-A-Porter 22-Jun-05
Eight years ago she’d never even been on the internet. This year Natalie Massenet turned over £37 million with Net-a-Porter, the fashion website that has become a global phenomenon.
Rachna Kingston  Entheos 30-May-08
Is a pregnant work at home mum who runs a web design resource website that attracts over a million visitors a month!
Xeni Jardin  Boing Boing 22-Jun-05 Xeni is the editor of one of the top 5 blogs in the world, Boing Boing.

So how do you define success for yourself? Have you outgrown your old definition? Did your definition change once you became a mom? If so, how? Please leave a comment below, and share this on twitter and facebook with your friends who might be trying to figure this out for themselves.

Continue Reading